When I look onto the mirror, I can see the reflection of myself. My face, my appearance that change with time. Coincidentally, I'm thinking... Who am I gonna be someday? Now, I'm 19 years, 1 month and 2 weeks old, and this is the current me. Yes, I still have that brown eyes and that thick eyebrow- all of it was just the same, accept for that blemish that haunt my teenage life- that's all. Nothing change, though.
Back to my sudden question of my future life. Who am I going to be? What am I going to do? My career? My future family... all that make up the question about myself- future me. When I try to look around I can see my adult brother and sisters; who are they now. Their job. Their family *only angah and their family-to-be. All those change that evolved in their life. From an infant to child; child to teenager; teenager to an adult and soon becoming older and dies- the normal cycle of life. Each of us may have the current stage in our life. Me- still in teenage era. Still need help from my mum and dad. Still in 'searching mode' of what am I looking for in my life. Talking about mum and dad. Suddenly a question pop out from my mind.,
" How did they feel when they see us, growing up?"Well, they have been taking care of us since us was born. Red and still zero about life. They give us love and care. From a small sized little fella, to fully grown up child. Like my sister and brother. Their stage can be said as almost full stage of human. How did my mum and dad seen them. Did you get what I'm trying to express here? They had seen everything about us, how we grow; how we failed and succeed in our life. Those mischievous year of us. Everything... and now I'm just wondering... How it would feel like to see your child grow with their own eyes. Not just that, they actually growing older with us-somehow at different age. LOL. But still I really wanna know what my mum and dad feels, when they see us grow? It must be a hard time to see son and daughter of your, that you have been taking all these while soon leaving you. I mean, not to stay in the same house of yours anymore. Not going anywhere with you-not as always as we used to be. It must be a hard time for them. Yeah, maybe we can't feel it right now, but somehow, someday there'll be a moment we'll be experiencing the same thing that feel when they have to let go us, to lead our life by ourselves-not relying fully on them anymore like we used to be. A sad moment though, at least to me.
Try to imagine this, you're now mum/ dad to your child. You have been taking care of everything from the first day they were born. You see all the 'first time' thing in their life with your own eyes. The first time they called you , ' mum or dad' , the first time they chuckle, the first time they walk upon you, the everything of their first time and you're the one that captured those moment of theirs in your memory. Then you see them grow, from a very small little baby to a child-quite big child. Then, see them in their teenager days. See they pimples that grows on their once flawless face. You send them to school. You share their happiness, when they got good grade in their test, and etc. And during hard times of their life you're the one that they first called. The first one that they rely on. In short, you share every moment in life with your child-together. But somehow, one day- you child will be an adult. And they'll have their own job, house, and family to be taken care of. They are now. doing every thing by themselves. Not like before, they don't called you, " Papa..papa..help me with this..." or " Mama..mama, I can't do this. Please teach me how." and etc. No more 'little child' call for you. And your once a little child now make their own money, living in their own house and even now can make their own decision plus make decision for their own child. They are an adult now- and I can feel a lost here. A lost, that my mum and dad was currently feel right now-maybe? I don't know how they face this.
And one day, I'll be growing up and have my own life. Have my own deciding time, and I wonder how would it be? I feel bad about what my mum and dad gonna feel when I'm not fully relying on them anymore. I don't want them to feel that lost, because I want to be with them forever and be their 'little child' like always. But the time still flies, and I'm getting older. :'(
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