DAY 68:Never walk alone?

This is how 'live a fool' think. I'll change it  too "You'll sometimes walk alone"
*No harm Liverpool die-hard-fan.

Never walk alone?

No. No. No. That's truly not me. Absolutely! Why? Because I prefer to walk by myself rather than walk in a       

group. To me walking alone is rather fun than you in group walking together, going somewhere especially if the place that you are heading to is a stone throw from you.

"Oh Syeikha, don't you aware of that danger that you might face if you walk alone?"

"Are you insane? It isn't safe out there!"

" Syeikha...." 

Bla...Bla...bla...* a lots and lots of version of counseling I ever had.

My mum had once commented me not long ago. At that time she called me when I'm on my way back to my college from library at night, alone. And again free counseling from my beloved mum. Come on mum. The library was quite near to my college, don't be too anxious. It's nothing. I can protect myself well and as long as we believe there's Allah to protect us. There's nothing to be feared of. I'm a tough girl. LOL XD 

haha. 

Ha-ha. This is great.

You might think that I'm such an introvert. Being alone and all that but sorry all you thought need to be cleared off as I'm not that kind person. I'm extrovert. I tend to enjoy human interactions and to be enthusiastic, TALKATIVE, assertive and gregarious but sometimes I need my own space of being alone without anyone else disturbing me. Yeah! Sometimes I would go out in group, hang around with them. Laugh together, keep on eyes for cool and cute things together with them* especially clothes, like others I did all that with my friends. But sometimes I don't feel like to be together with anyone. I just want to be A.L.O.N.E. I do my shopping alone. Eat in my favorite restaurant alone. Studying alone #I do this always. :)

What else... walk alone, jog alone and etc. So, you must understand this. It's not that I want to keep a distance from it just that I want my special time with myself.*Am I romantic to myself. Haha.

I suggest you to try this out. It super cool to do things alone by yourselves. You don't have to set up time with anyone. You don't have to wait for anyone. It's all about you. You can 'date' yourselves without considering the other part of you felt okay with it or not. You take as much as time you need without worrying the other part of you, right? You can independently decide what time you wanted to go back. It's all yours and its super cool!*if it's for me, I prefer to go back early because I hate darkness. Haha. That's why sometimes I prefer to do my shopping alone, because if is it in a gang it is an always for them to go back at night. Well, youngsters... *I'm an old lady. For them, "Night is still young, babe!" That's truly not me. Of course not me. : 3

I enjoy my time walking alone like she does. And it's cool!

However, anything is on you. You're the one who'll decide what are you up to, right? Take a break, have thought, and got hits! XOXO

# I haven't done my assignment yet. Waarrrgh! Mid semester is a nightmare with this assignment....!

I'll absolutely not going to walk by myself at night next time. Haha!

DAY 62:Alone in Silence

Silence.
One word describe Kolej Seroja now. No more laughing, chatting echo heard. I can't hear anything accept for the 'meowing' sound of the college settler, the cats. I got nothing else to do today accept for novel-ing, face booking, movie-ing last but not least *lol blogging. Sangatlah bosan. I'm tired of all these activities. Really really tired of it. Sick. Whole day spend all of my time, tacking my eyes to computer screen Absolute shortsightedness lah. If I'm doing my reading, means back pain. Arghh. Lenguh-lenguh satu badan. Kalau tak mengantuk lepas tu tertidur. Bangun-bangun. "Eh??!!dah berjam aku tidur!!!" , sekali lagi pembaziran waktu dalam hidup. Not doing anything beneficial. Truly not helpful for my time consume. Time throwing. The silence was kind of scary-not kind of, but really scary even I've this experience before, was left in college without with me. Selalu sangat stay lama kat college. Kalau balik semenanjung pun selalu antara yang terakhirlah. Sangatlah creepy for me to live here. Nak keluar bilik pun agak teragak-agak. However, if I kept holding onto the jitters, how on earth I can live by myself, alone-isn't it? So I have to, whether I want it or not. :)
The thing that I really hate it, when it comes about the holiday without others in college is, cafe was closed. Damn it! Arghhh.. When cafe was closed I have to walk out *again walk out to Desa Ilmu to have my meal. I don't really mind to walk out but when I got blister on feet every time I walk* everytime I forgot to put my socks on. Then, I call it hell. It hurt so much- the more it hurts when it comes in contact with water. Awww!!! It hurts so much. Credits to everyone who stays in wing BC because of they were at home right now as I can shout as much I want when my feet hurts so much. lol. Release the tense. Haha.
Keyboard off. Time to spend my 'alone' time as well as possible.lol

#oh! this time I've my roommate with me.

DAY 61:MISS| Rindu

One by one they left me behind. One by one flied back to their hometown. Most of them updating their status; " currently in Kuching International Airport(KIA)" , "home soon ....! XD"  etc.
Oh my! Sad. :(
I'm missing my ayah, ibu, puan i.e granny, adik :(((, everyone in my family, like seriously. Miss them damn so much. If I can. I want to go home right now. Now.
HOMESICK. never had one before but now *at this time , I am. Really really want to go back home. Met them and tell them how much I miss them. How much I miss Ibu's cooking.  How much I miss Ayah's joke * even though it's kinda freak-sometimes. LOL, but I don't mind. I miss lovely adik Raudhah. Wanna hug her tightly. Kiss her on the forehead, her cheek. Laugh with her. Oh! I miss them.

Adik yang buat ni in my laptop. I love you to adik.

I want to meet my beloved nephew, Syeikh Khidir. Does he start to walk by himself now? How is he now? Growing happily right now, I think. Khidir, ummi miss you much. Rindunya nak dukung si kecil tu. Nak kiss dia banyak-banyak. Nanti ummi balik kiss ummi banyak-banyak tau sayang.. :)
Janganlah pandai jalan dulu. Tunggu ummi balik baru kita belajar jalan sama-sama eh, sayang. Ushhh. Rindu sangat ni.

Syeikh Khidir on my lap.
Berminat dia sungguh dia dgn seluar 'bawang*' ni
 *nama seluar yg diberi oleh  Syafura and adik.

Bulan April lepas final exam. InsyaAllah baru balik Melaka tercinta. Sementara tu, duduk saja lah negeri orang ni. Jadi perantau *background music :dendang Perantau.LOL

This isn't just a promise. I will!

Rasanya bolehlah gunakan cuti 12 hari ini, pergi jalan-jalan ke.? Tengok Sarawak ni betul-betul. Selama ni, mana ada keluar sangat. Dalam bilik, Dewan Kuliah, Desa Ilmu. Itu sajalah tempat ulang-alik kalau keluar pun jauh-jauh pun with purpose; nak beli barang-barang ke. Ada urusan ke. Agaknya tu sebab rasa bosan duduk Kolej Seroja ni tak. Dah muak bau udara Kolej Seroja sampai nak study pun blur sangat. So, I think I need to go out. At least one or two times. Tukar angin kejap. Perlu sangat. Sebab sekarang ni asal masuk bilik je. Kepala terus blur. Tak sangat nak buat apa. Selalu end up buat perkara tak berfaedah. Jadi sementara cuti ni. Refreshment ! :))
Tak apalah tak balik cuti pun. Sabar sahaja. Simpan rindu tu banyak-banyak dulu. Nanti lepaskan puas-puas once the foundation end :)))
Ayah,ibu I love you so much. Wait for me 2 bulan, 3 minggu, 4 hari je lagi.

Truthfully.Ayah Ibu:))

DAY 20: The TOUGH<-____->Me |:

Now,

being alone in room without my roommates or "zebra crossing" neighbor, sungguh-sungguhlah sunyi.

Budak dua orang ni pun satu. Nak tinggalkan aku sekali dua-dua terus. At least bergilir-gilirlah.

One can't wait to go back home for Christmas, the other one over-spirited go for Muhayyam.

maka tinggallah beta keseorangan mengenang nasib sendiri.#cough

But somehow there's a benefit behind all these.

At least they give me some space to think, to motivate myself.

Alaaaa..lebih kurang sesi tazkirah kepada diri sendirilah.Kalau budak dua ketul ni ada, tak ada maknanya nak tazkirah-tazkirah, tarzan-tarzaniah adalah.LOL

...

So, while being alone right now, I start to think my past, my present and my future.

Recalling back what I've done all these days. Is it the right thing or absolutely wrong. 

Recalling and scanning my past and my present, realizing I've done a lot lot of mistakes without perceiving it. Make stupid things without long thought. Most of the decision I made was based on what I think might be cool, fun leaving the thought on what's the consequences. Senang cerita keputusan buta. Buta pada keseronakan dan kepuasan perasaan manusia. So, that's the virus yang dapat dikesan dalam proses scanning. There's a lot more yang dijumpai but takkanlah I nak tulis semua kat sini nanti jadi karangan SPM pulak kan?

Not just to stop there,

I'm thinking but my future too. Gerangan apakah si Syeikha ini akan jadi pada masa hadapan. Trying to thing about that. Have the thought, 'macam mana hidup sebagai fully grown up adult?'. Susah ke senang. How it would be? Macam mana nanti I nak uruskan my own life. Uruskan duit sendiri, makan minum sendiri, rumah sendiri, kereta... you know that thought  that come when you see an adult. Semua difikirkan. How is my life when I live alone.? * Boleh ke I hidup seorang. Yelah, right now tak rasa seoang sangat because of suasana kolej tu kan walaupun dah jauh daipada family. Yang cuba dibayangkan nanti the time when I dah fully keluar dari family house ada my bungalow sendiri *tak kongsi-kongsi lagi dengan ayah. Macam mana keadaan tu nanti.?

Mesti lonelykan? Creepy pun ada juga. Yelah, dah kata duduk seorang. Takde geng tukang buat bising,yang ada bunyi sengkerik je. Mesti masa tu bulu roma tegak mengalahkan KLCC. sesi rewinding cerita hantu yang pernah dilihat,didengar semua keluar- non-stop.

Pergh~! tak dapat eden bayangkan. 

Dah teragak-agak ni. Dah besar nanti nak duduk sorang ke tak? Nak ke tak? #bajet diri masih kecil lagi je...

But when we try to think it deeply.Sampai bila nak duduk bawah ketiak wangi ayah and ibu, sampai bila nak bergayut kat diorang kan? 

Kalau fikirkan takut tu memang takut, tapi kalau nak diikutkan takut kita tu je sampai bila tak ke mana.

Nak ke sana. "eeeiiii.takutlah",  pakej sekali dengan muka nak makan penampar.

Nak ke situ. "Alaaa, tak beranilah"

Alamatnya, membatulah kat situ. Kan?

Better make a move kan. Buanglah rasa takut takut tu semua Buat semak je.

Keluar dari kepompong tu.

tak perlu takut nak menghadapi cabaran future.

Erase semua mentality expecting everything will be as comfortable as what our mum an dad prepare for us.

That fear to your future was actually because of this mentality.

Come on fella,

before parent give you what you have now,diorang susah payah dulu kot.

Takkan kita pula nak terus senang je. Tak advanterouslah macam tu kan.

So, now as time goes on, build toughness in yourself. Kuatkan diri!

Prepare for future :D

The TOUGHMe. Cluck! :6

DAY 19:Please just understand.

Problem? Always there.
One problem yang till now stay with me::
Tak tahu macam mana nak berterus-terang bout what what I feel. Sometimes can you almost crazy tau. Yelah. Bayangkan eh, for example that particular time you amat amatlah tak berpuas hati kat someone tu but somehow you don't know how to express it.Nak try secara brutal punya expression takut berlaku peperangan dunia kelapan, nak tell them nicely takut mereka mereka itu memperkotak-katikkan kita. In the end you stay in the middle. Terapung- apung.#kepak-kepak





So, that's what happening to me. Paling senang cerita lately nih. Kinda tak berpuas hati dengan someone yang truly tidak mengamalkan sikap kerjasama seperti yang diwar warkan oleh Wonderpet. I always hope that us can work together mengalahkan aur dengan tebing lah. Demi menjaga keamanan setempat kami bersama, but somehow what i got is far far far away from what am I expecting. Sedih sangat :((
tapi tak tahu macam mana nak expresskan kat dia. Karang face to face takut I hurt feeling dia. Nak tahan je macam tak adil pula dunia ni kan. Keadilan itu perlu ye..Yang berat sama dipikul, yang ringan sama dijinjing* cewah!boleh lawan karam singh walia tak??!_double-jerk :D

Oleh kerana,pihak saya sangat kurang bijaksana dalam hal ehwal meluahkan perasaan, jadi diharapkan pihak tuan dan puan untuk faham-faham sendiri. Sebelum hati saya ini meletup disebabkan bebanan menyimpan perasaaan terlalu banyak pihak saya memohon agar pihak tuan dan puan memberikan kerjasama yang sewajarnya. Kerjasama pihak tuan  dan puan didahului dengan ucapan terima kasih.

#Dunia belum kiamat, selagi itu kita masih boleh bertaubat:DDD

DAY 5

criiikkk..criiikkk..criiikkk...
#bunyi cengkerik
pergh.bosan tahap terabyte.today, no classes I am expecting it to be cool and ended happily ever after. but what I got is bored,bored,bored and again bored. Sunyi giler college. everybody pergi class. haiyo! bangun lambat memang lumrahlah kalau dah katanya cutikan?but rasa macam tak nak bangun je.bangun pun i got nothing to do.tadi adalah layan "Istanbul aku datang" kejap, but once the movie end. I was like.".............."
Clueless and boring gile pak cik.

So, guys what should I do. Study? Honestly,Not in the mood. I'm freaking out today. Cepatlah roomate ku and si Maryanne ni habis kelas.At least I got them untuk ajak gelak gelak or buat giler......or should I?Do it alone? What?!!

Baru fifth day you dah gile Syeikha.?Parah....

Guys.I tak gile. tapi boring tahap gile dah ni...Please someone cheer me up.

Sebijik rupa aku sekarang ni:(