DAY 83: How time flies, and how I grow up.

Moving on so quickly, never stop- time never wait for, never.
When I look onto the mirror, I can see the reflection of myself. My face, my appearance that change with time. Coincidentally,  I'm thinking... Who am I gonna be someday? Now, I'm 19 years, 1 month and 2 weeks old, and this is the current me. Yes, I still have that brown eyes and that thick eyebrow- all of it was just the same, accept for that blemish that haunt my teenage life- that's all. Nothing change, though.

 Back to my sudden question of my future life. Who am I going to be? What am I going to do? My career? My future family... all that make up the question about myself- future me. When I try to look around I can see my adult brother and sisters; who are they now. Their job. Their family *only angah and their family-to-be. All those change that evolved in their life. From an infant to child; child to teenager; teenager to an adult and soon becoming older and dies- the normal cycle of life. Each of us may have the current stage in our life. Me- still in teenage era. Still need help from my mum and dad. Still in 'searching mode' of what am I looking for in my life. Talking about mum and dad. Suddenly a question pop out from my mind.,

" How did they feel when they see us, growing up?"

Well, they have been taking care of us since us was born. Red and still zero about life. They give us love and care. From a small sized little fella, to fully grown up child. Like my sister and brother. Their stage can be said as almost full stage of human. How did my mum and dad seen them. Did you get what I'm trying to express here? They had seen everything about us, how we grow; how we failed and succeed in our life. Those mischievous year of us. Everything... and now I'm just wondering... How it would feel like to see your child grow with their own eyes. Not just that, they actually growing older with us-somehow at different age. LOL. But still I really wanna know what my mum and dad feels, when they see us grow? It must be a hard time to see son and daughter of your, that you have been taking all these while soon leaving you. I mean, not to stay in the same house of yours anymore. Not going anywhere with you-not as always as we used to be. It must be a hard time for them. Yeah, maybe we can't feel it right now, but somehow, someday there'll be a moment we'll be experiencing the same thing that feel when they have to let go us, to lead our life by ourselves-not relying fully on them anymore like we used to be. A sad moment though, at least to me.

Try to imagine this, you're now mum/ dad to your child. You have been taking care of everything from the first day they were born. You see all the 'first time' thing in their life with your own eyes. The first time they called you , ' mum or dad' , the first time they chuckle, the first time they walk upon you, the everything of their first time and you're the one that captured those moment of theirs in your memory. Then you see them grow, from a very small little baby to a child-quite big child. Then, see them in their teenager days. See they pimples that grows on their once flawless face. You send them to school. You share their happiness, when they got good grade in their test, and etc. And during hard times of their life you're the one that they first called. The first one that they rely on. In short, you share every moment in life with your child-together. But somehow, one day- you child will be an adult. And they'll have their own job, house, and family to be taken care of. They are now. doing every thing by themselves. Not like before, they don't called you, " Papa..papa..help me with this..." or " Mama..mama, I can't do this. Please teach me how." and etc. No more 'little child' call for you. And your once a little child now make their own money, living in their own house and even now can make their own decision plus make decision for their own child. They are an adult now- and I can feel a lost here. A lost, that my mum and dad was currently feel right now-maybe? I don't know how they face this.
And one day, I'll be growing up and have my own life. Have my own deciding time, and I wonder how would it be? I feel bad about what my mum and dad gonna feel when I'm not fully relying on them anymore. I don't want them to feel that lost, because I want to be with them forever and be their 'little child' like always. But the time still flies, and I'm getting older. :'(

DAY 63: Tranquility @UNIMAS east campus

Hello peeps, #smile #smile
yeah! if yesterday I said it is silence that accompanying in UNIMAS but not today.
It is tranquility. Hard to find feelings that accompany me, at least for this evening. Hurmm..
Today because I had nothing to rather than my daily itual of noveling, facebooking and blogging, I decided to shake my body, shake!shake! Shake my body.LOL*joke.
As I got nothing else to something had exert me to go for a jog today. Voila'! I'm telling you this : It was so awesome. UNIMAS had a very enchanting scenery in the evening especially between 5.30 to 6.00 pm. Sunset. If you take the walk or jog around the lake, you have the most beautiful eye shot ever. The sparkling water and the limbering water flowing. Hhhhaaaaaa..... *blinking eyes. Mesmerizing so surmising..! :)
The blue sky of Kota Samarahan aren't not to be neglected. Not really blue sky, it a blend of blue and orange sunset view. Subhannallah! The God's creation, never a disappoint. That's what I got for my jogging mode:ON today.
Hahaha. Actually I'm hoping for the burning of these lipid inside that haunt my body. 7 inches thick. Kuii.Kuii. At least I should burn 5  inches for today jogs.The leftover fats should be save for the best last. lol. Me<-----are so hiperbola. Looking forward for this activity next time, as 1) I'll have a good good time enjoying the tranquility, 2) I'll get the desirable * the long lost , without extra fats on me #raised eyebrows. 3) At least I'll have a healthy life style *perspiring. Clean all those accumulated toxic inside my body, where I think be the reason why I kept on yawning and having those aches on my body. All these may be caused by the unhealthy lifestyle that I lad lately. #maybe.
Foods!!! Less fats.More nutrients. I should have a better planning of meals. I'm taking a lot and lots of excessive fats contained food and LESS EXERCISE thus I got those spare tyre i.e fats on my body. Even my vitamins consume are bad. I don't think I can have all those vitamins included in my daily diets here. It's almost negligible. So, yesterday I end up buying those supplements because I want my healthy life back life before like forever. May be before this it's my mum who buy those supplement for me. Take care most of my diet *of course she's the one who cook the meal so when I came here I've lost the track. How am I going to take care diet by myself. Moreover, here we can't cook by ourself, just buy whatever the cafe sell to us. The same dish or not. Isn't a matter anymore as long as I can eat and I'm full. *enough. But because of  this 'I can eat and I'm full' concept I end up to have a feeble body. Often felt dozy, body ache etc. *sigh. What I feel right now is a prove that us, students should have a healthy dietary lifestyles and not to stop  there, we should have a HEALTHY LIFESTYLE. Have those healthy diet with healthy exercising body. :)
Then, you'll have a happy life as student. Because as our body were healthy, it will affects our mind and our mind will affect our emotion. XD
Think wise and decide fast. !

# I got this tips from someone. If you want to perspire a lot #which mean you fat burn a lot, drink a lot of a luke warm water. It really helps though. Especially after a  excessive activity. Drink it. perghhhhh! really lot and lots of sweat. #waterfall!LOL

XOXO

DAY 62:Alone in Silence

Silence.
One word describe Kolej Seroja now. No more laughing, chatting echo heard. I can't hear anything accept for the 'meowing' sound of the college settler, the cats. I got nothing else to do today accept for novel-ing, face booking, movie-ing last but not least *lol blogging. Sangatlah bosan. I'm tired of all these activities. Really really tired of it. Sick. Whole day spend all of my time, tacking my eyes to computer screen Absolute shortsightedness lah. If I'm doing my reading, means back pain. Arghh. Lenguh-lenguh satu badan. Kalau tak mengantuk lepas tu tertidur. Bangun-bangun. "Eh??!!dah berjam aku tidur!!!" , sekali lagi pembaziran waktu dalam hidup. Not doing anything beneficial. Truly not helpful for my time consume. Time throwing. The silence was kind of scary-not kind of, but really scary even I've this experience before, was left in college without with me. Selalu sangat stay lama kat college. Kalau balik semenanjung pun selalu antara yang terakhirlah. Sangatlah creepy for me to live here. Nak keluar bilik pun agak teragak-agak. However, if I kept holding onto the jitters, how on earth I can live by myself, alone-isn't it? So I have to, whether I want it or not. :)
The thing that I really hate it, when it comes about the holiday without others in college is, cafe was closed. Damn it! Arghhh.. When cafe was closed I have to walk out *again walk out to Desa Ilmu to have my meal. I don't really mind to walk out but when I got blister on feet every time I walk* everytime I forgot to put my socks on. Then, I call it hell. It hurt so much- the more it hurts when it comes in contact with water. Awww!!! It hurts so much. Credits to everyone who stays in wing BC because of they were at home right now as I can shout as much I want when my feet hurts so much. lol. Release the tense. Haha.
Keyboard off. Time to spend my 'alone' time as well as possible.lol

#oh! this time I've my roommate with me.

DAY 54:QUIZ MATHS yang seh-nang (_00_)

Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out.. Breath in, breath out.. Breath in, breath out.... Breath in, breath out....*terlebih sudah
Yeah! Quiz maths tadi memanglah sangat-sangat gempak untuk aku. Huahuahua. Biasalah 'genius maths' katakan.*penipuan. Quiz-quiz jadah itik ni memang menguji kesabaran jiwa dan raga aku betullah. Time mula-mula dapat kertas. Aku punya syok tahap menonggenglah. Dua soalan je kut. Lek lek lu. Tapi bila dah start buat !@#$%^ *this one bukan represent carutan eh.It represent kecelaruan minda yang aku alami. First question, memang lancar je lah tangan ni tulis-tulis. Masuk soalan 2, cuba-cubalah juga nak kekalkan kelancaran kepala otak..So tangan ni tulis-tulislah. First, cari coordinates pastu carik inflection..bila nak buat-buat tetiba stuck. Apakah? Macam pelik tahap monyet glow in the dark *kui.kui.terselit pulak cerita dalam kelas Mr Faizal. Eh.Eh. sambung cerita balik... Bila dah stuck tu mula lah merewang. Dalam otak tu memang takde benda lain yang aku fikir, mesti "Technique dah betul dah ni,silap kira lagilah ni." Try kira-kira balik. Tak dapat juga tetap weird jawapan dia ni. Termenung kejap. Tukar posisi duduk. Kuak rentang, kuak kupu-kupu, kekuda kambing.Eh? Semua aku buat dah tak pikir tu dewan kuliah ke apa dah *obviously aku ni bukan seorang wanita yang bersopan-santun seperti yang digembar-gemburkan.lololol. Tadi pakai pen teurs tukar pencil, try kira-kira kat tepi pulak. Blurr lagi. Chicken punya soalan. Ape ke peliknya? Nak kira balik ke tak.?Nak ke tak? Nak ke tak? Aishhh..Kalau nak kira balik kena liquid semua benda ni balik masa tinggal half hour je nih..Mata aku dah sakit nak, kepala pun dah cucuk-cucuk ni.Ah..lantaklah!!!#Angkat tangan terus blah dari dewan.Hahaha. Hebat sungguh ending aku. Memang tak beretika sungguh. Ada ke patut tinggalkan dewan padahal memang dah tahu lagi sekor soalan tu memang diyakini jawapan nya salah. LOL. Midsem minggu depan aku buat perangai macam ini.
So korang apakah pengajaran yang anda dapat hari ini.
'Jangan guna pen......Nanti malas nak padam...!!!"
 Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......Salah!
Pengajarannya adalah lain kali kalau nak jawab soalan fiir dulu jangan pakai tulis je terus. Interpret what the question are dulu baru fiki jalan kerja dia. Aku tadi terus buat jalan kerja je. Tak interpret betul-betul pun. Ingatkan soalan tu sama maca soalan yang aku biasa buat latihan. Tetiba dia manipulate lah pulak. Okay.Fikir dulu sebelum jawab :))
Oh! dan berjuang hingga ke saat terakhir nanti menyesal tak sudah. Faham?!
Mid sem minggu depan !T.T

* tadi acik private message aku kat fb. Dia rindu aku. Suruh balik.Masalahnya.....aku tak baiklah cuti midsem ni :'(

DAY 36:experiment + kemaksiatan = check out lambat

Hiargh!!!Ehek!Ehek!Uhuk!Uhuk.
*proses melegakan urat-urat belakang yang sangat lah tegang yang teramat.

Penat gila. Tahap super saiya pun tak boleh nak menandingi  kepenatan yang aku rasa#hiperbola. Seriously, lab chemistry hari ini paling penat la wa cakap lu. Repeating the same process on and on. Kandungan chemical inhaled maybe kurang tapi oleh kerana rate of repeating yang teramatlah banyak membuatan kepala ambo #walaupun tukang tekan stopwatch and pipette solution je , berputar-putar tiga ratus enam puluh darjah ke utara. Oleh kerana keaktifan kami, Hana and Syakirah #lah sangat experiment pertama berjaya disiapkan dengan jaya dan jayanya lagi. Tetapi kemalangan buat kami kerana tidak mengaktifkan sel-sel otak menyebabkan kami tidak dapat menjawab soalan terjahan tahap dewa terkejut daripada Mr. Al Hafiz. terkebil-kebil *tipu menjawab soalan yang ditanya, padahal chemical equation je kot! =,='
Chemical equation pun, entah korang boleh jawab ke tak? Entah-entah Google je kan *terkantoi dalam cubaan nak meng'google' equation dengan  Mr Al Hafiz.
"Simpan telefon awak. Dalam makmal mana boleh main telefon"

"Alah. Saya nak google chemical equation je sir!",Syeikha kalau tak menjawab bukan Syeikhalah namanya kan. LOL

Disebabkan cubaan nak mengoogle chemical equation yang pelik pelik tahap chicken tu gagal dan aku malas nak memerah neuron aku lagi. Berserah je lah. Dipotongnya markah hamba. Layan je lah. Penat je buat experiment lelaju last -last dapat nombor giliran second last because of that question.!Hangin lubang hidung aku...:((

Second experiment pulak, asyik melayan budak-budak ini gelak-gelak buat lawak 'stress' Gary and Jessica. Punyalah syok gelak-gelak tahap ________*isi tempat kosong. Den tertekan reset button kat stopwatch. Ah sudah. penat kot dah lah kena setting temperature betul-betul, nak set up chemical lagi. Buat haru je lah.
-,-*
Dahlah pelik-pelik je result. Aigoo.  Kesan kemaksiatan yang dilakukan kami. Kamilah group yang terakhir keluar.Sekian.*Penat nak type lagi.


#2HCl + Na2S2O3 --> 2NaCl + SO2 + S + H2O  (jadah equation ni ynag aku tak dapat jawab tadi.)

DAY 27:Tazkirah| Sedu-seduXD

Pejam celik. Pejam celik. Kejap je dah nak sebulan kan? Macam tak percaya je.
Rasa macam baru semala je balik ke Sarawak ni.#hiperbola.
Cepatnya masa bergerak tak terkejar dek den ni ah.
Laju sangat. After 4 weeks I started my Semester 2, kalau kira-kira ada lagi 4 minggu= sebulan lagi untuk prepare for my mid semester.

"Pergghh..poyo nya hang pa nak prepare awal-awal mid sem.Tolonglah!"

Excuse me. Suka hatilah nak prepare awal ke tak. My future kot. Not yours. Kalau you rasa I'm kinda annoying sebab nak prepare for my "mid sem" it's up to you. No harm. Get on with your annoyance. Do I look like I care?? #emo sebentar.





Sesi tazkirah diri..
Oh God. Seriously dah sebulan meyh. I'm not fully prepared yet lah. Maths belum sifu lagi these two chapter. Biology masih dalam proses menghadam chapter Immnunology tu, sekarang ni dah masuk Genetics lah pula lagi parah. The past pun I belum pegang dalam tangan lagi ni. Chemistry je yang agak okay because I rajin sangat buat tutorial dia. but somehow Chemistry ni haru sikit. Memang time revising and tutorial-ing I bajet faham tahap petala ke tujuh, ke lapan. Tapi once exam rasa macam tak pernah belajar je. Padahal tutorial buat selalu okay je. Mesti lecturer ada hidden agenda behind exam paper ni. :(
Ke aku yang problematic??
Masalah. Masalah.
Sekarang ni macam hari-hari je kena buat tazkirah diri.
Makin hari, makin less my study hour.sangatlah less:(
lagi-lagi hari Sabtu and Ahad, memang penghulu segala tidurlah hari cuti macam ni. Macam manalah nak 4-flat kalau macam ni =,='
Tiba-tiba rasa sedih pulak :((
Takut pun ada. Dahlah diorang cakap for Medicine Faculty untuk batch kitaorang ada interview, lepas tu will be selected based on our Semester 1 and this Mid semester 2 test.
Argghhhhh. nak tak nak kena perform this Mid Semester jugak.:(
Syeikha,
Fikir....fikir....
Which activity yang agak-agak melalaikan yang you must cut off dia.?

Movie?
melalaikan...*bergema
- abis nak buat apa? Padam movie collection dalam lappy?
Tak nak ah. Penat download. Banyak tak habis tengok lagi :(

Facebooking?
Lalai je.
-Deactive facebook? But nanti Pre-U punya announcement kat facebook.
Tak boleh!Tak boleh!

Blogging!!?
Err...err...No comment.Don't know should be categorized under things that waste the time or not-lost!

Rasanya other than these three things tak ambil banyak masa aku kot.
Novel-ing masih dalam kawalan because aku baca time cuti panjang je.
Makan?
Takkan makan pun buang=g masa kot.
"Makan tak buang masa. tapi cara kau makan yang buang masa! Bertahun nak menunggu."
LOLXD
Fineee....nanti aku blender semua makanan biar senang!Laju sikit makan nanti:P

Setakat ni. Benda-benda ni yang aku nampak disturbing. Tak tahulah kalau ada benda lain kan?

*Pssst..psst..ingat nak buat work out lah. Nak senaman sikit baru badan sihat sikit nak study.Kan?:D

DAY 14:Argue with yourself |True or Wrong

"the malicious inner voices immunity was too strong.strength-all was used
but still it fight and fight
again,
in the end I'm the one who was lost :("

Argue wasn't an offence.Be pleased to do so
Credit:nunziarider.com

Fight it back!
Never ever ever lose to it.
If you can't quiet the inner voice, then at least use it to your advantage,Syeikha.
Use it.
If it is negative neutralize it, if it is positive neutralize it.
Every time you hear yourself contradicting the speaker,
STOP! and take the other point of view.
Wash up your brain.
Suggest to the brain all the reason why the speaker may be correct and you are the one who came with the wrong concept.
by arguing yourself, you may open yourself to the information being provided.
That's the best case of fighting the inner voice.
but failing that gives you advantages too
at least you strengthen your own argument.
Succeeding or failing to fight your inner voice never be a loss.
the most important thing is to argue with yourself-to fight back the inner voice that tried to make you confuse.
Cluck:6

applicable to our life also mehXD
Credit:undsci.berkeley.edu

lol:D
Credit:http://www.boyinpinkearmuffs.com/banapplenut//2011-01-14-The-Argument.png

#misspend the time. end up regretting it. I've lost my precious time today:((
I shouldn't buy.I shouldn't read.Novel_ you steal my time.:(

DAY 12:Hello, SIR CADAVER:)

Wooooo....
that's creepy.
Hello sir cadaver?
Are you getting mad?I know life is getting harder Syeikha but please make up your mind...

LOLXD
well peeps.
Its not that I'm getting crazy or whatsoever
Its just that today was a memorable day for me.
for the FIRST TIME in my life
I'd meet sir cadaver
FIRST TIME fella.Its my first time.
Honestly, I was too excited for this first true-to-life meeting with dead people.
What makes it becoming extra cooler is that the cadaver was preserved with formalin, chemical used to ensure the restoration of the softness and flexibility of the cadaver.
The fact that able to impress me is that all these three male cadaver was actually kept for 15 years time. That's totally impressive.15 years?! That totally a long gap of time. It must be the process  of embalming was so so great or no doubt the chemical used was really really strong enough to ensure those cadaver in good condition.Right?!
Visit to a mortuary was totally an eerie experience, but somehow it gives us a lot.
Experience and knowledge.(#experience.no doubt.knowledge kureng sikit coz takut sgt time doktor explain tu + eden terkebelakang sikit,tak nampak doktor godok mayat:(  )
I'd touch the cadavers.
You.What Syeikha?!
Well..I TOUCH THE CADAVER.
Oh Merciful Allah
totally the moment that I touch them was,
Aaaaaaa!
Sumpah takut.but for the first touch je laa.After that I'm getting better.Thank God,I have a lots lots of friend around me.Sampai bergerak tempat letak mayat tu. Semangat sangat all of us nak "meraba" mayat tu.hahha
Trust it was super cool!!

My visit to FPSK wasn't all about mayat ye kengkawan.
Actually,we do visit some other place in FPSK
like pathology and anatomy museum , and physiology lab.
but maybe we are rushing so feeling tu pun rushinglah.
what so great about pathology and anatomy museum is that, this is the place that they kept all the preserved diseased body parts and plastic model of our body.
Menarik?Yes, it is but tak sempat nak merewang here and there
Dah kena panggil to move to next station.
Upsetting,I manage to see 3 shelves of the preserved body parts je kot. The others sekilas pandang je.
Pray to Allah that I was able to further my studies here so that bolehlah saya merewang menghayati those things.:))
by the way, I was told that pathology and anatomy museum was second library for medical student.
Alangkah indahnya kalau aku jadi student medical. Nak menghadap those thing puas puas sampai muntah ler.haahaa.

In pyhsiology lab we was exposed to the study of mechanic of living organism. Sort of applying physic together with biology for the purpose of medical. The machine here was soo awesome :)
New things that I did learnt here is how to check the blood pressure using mercury sphygmomanometer.
I really wanna try it. Kenapalah the instructor tak tanya,"Did any of you wanna try.?"
For sure, I'm the one ynag akan menawarkan diri :D
but malangnya tidak ada soalan sebegitu eh:(

Mercury sphygmomanometer.
Kalau ada rezeki aku,tengok satu hari nanti aku picit picit kau.haha
Credit:www.medicalexpo.com 

So that's it. This visit gave me a lot. experience, knowledge and rasa takut nak pergi tandas seorang diri.Sekian.LOLXD

P/S: Kan best ada gambar for today's visit.Especially kat mortuary tu.Malangnya tidak dibenarkan mengambil gambar ye.Kalau bagi pun aku dengan bangganya berkata TAK NAK!:P

DAY 8: Left-ed:(

As time goes on..
everything  start to change.
Child to teen,
Teen to adult and finally comes to an end
like a candle that lost its flame once it reaching the end - dead.
but the ticking time continued to move without hesitation
and past is past...
Leaving all behind
Leaving those who still in their long deep sleep without - nothing!

and I  finally realize that all this while...
I am.
I'm the one who is still in that deep sleep.
Left-ed.
Forgotten.
By the unstoppable, growing world.
I was just..- nothing!
I was just...-zero!
and I was fooled
by the sweet lullaby of life
that put me into that long deep sleep
without realizing that time had left me far-far away...
Still- unconscious...